Tag Archives: understanding

GRATITUDE

The keyword to life is gratitude;

Gratitude for what I have

Gratitude for what I don’t have to suffer

Gratitude for what I survived

Gratitude that it wasn’t worse

Gratitude because it was lovely

Gratitude, no matter how small – even if you have to search for it…

…because gratitude grows, it fills your heart and it carries you through those dark nights of the soul…

…and because without gratitude all you have left is despair, anger, fear, grief and despair…

All those little learnings add up

14269677_10153579724000834_1955684473_nAfter each day I think about what I have learned. It’s important to me and I make it a point to learn something every day, no matter how small or mundane.

The willingness to learn is how you learn, you start paying attention to both your surroundings and what goes on in your head. You try new things and test your borders – just to see if you can.

Along the way you collect all the keys you need to live that wow-life that everybody talks about. It starts in the little things.

Every evening, think of your day; what made you grateful? happy? …and what did you learn?

Every evening you will find yourself one step closer to what you want and you set yourself up to win.

Lady Magpie

Pica Pica, Ms Magpie showing off

Pica Pica, Miss Magpie showing off

LADY MAGPIE

Lady Magpie was once Miss Magpie; she wore a dress too advanced for her young years, turning the heads of all around her. Though she never understood why, she seemed always to be in trouble with the advanced ladies of her tribe. They called her a harlot, an outsider and a tramp dressed up in fineries she did not deserve.
Miss Magpie had a heart of gold and she was badly hurt by these accusations made – though never to her face, so she could never defend herself – she just did not understand… In silence she carried the pain of exclusion from the group she so coveted to be a part of. She was a shy little soul and would seldom raise her voice to be heard.  When all the other magpies teased and laughed in unison, she was silent, she hardly knew the sound of her own voice.
What Miss Magpie failed to understand was the fact that she, both in looks and conversation, gave the impression of a worldly woman, albeit young, and society made no discrimination; if you talk the talk and do the walk, then you are it. Nobody bothered to look deeper at the lost little girl who happened to be gifted with both the beauty of youth and the plumes of her elders.

Miss Magpie, though having a heart of gold, was not slow to pick up on the advantages bestowed on her by others, even though she did not understand. She learned quickly to move effortlessly through the salons of low as well as high, being rewarded with the momentary love of many, the lasting love of none, all the while keeping her tender heart locked into a gilded cage of dreams, just waiting for the right moment to burst through in all its passion. She was patient. She bore tears, hurt, heartache, humiliation and pain with aloofness and cool. Her peers started fearing her, hating her and admiring her; who was this young girl who would not bend her neck or fall to her knees in tears? Why would she not be broken?

Pica Pica turning into Mrs Magpie

Pica Pica turning into Mrs Magpie

The years went by and Miss Magpie’s feathers started getting a bit frazzled at the edges. She found herself a nice Mr Magpie who made her a decent woman and took her far away where she was not known. Mr Magpie was a kind man but ignorant of the movings of the world. He dried her silent tears and stood patiently, though confused, at her side when he didn’t recognize her. They had children, little beautiful magpies, that they brought up in perfect harmony; she breaking her gilded cage that held her heart, and he, protecting them all.
The little magpies, not knowing the luck and joy they had encountered, thrived and grew to finally leave their home to search for their future and make their fortunes.

Mrs Magpie, having known the security of being an honorable individual suddenly felt lost, her close loving connection with Mr Magpie flowing away as the little ones left the nest, leaving her as confused as in her earlier years. But she had grown strong under the care and love of Mr Magpie and their little ones. She was no longer a fool.
She decided to leave, she had to leave. She had to know who she was – on her own. She had to know if she could fly. Gathering her feathers around her, she flew off into the future, her future, to see if it was even there. Not knowing if she would die trying, she had to try…She had to see if her wings would bear the weight of who she was. After much turmoil she found another land where she had to be silent because there was nobody to understand what she sang. In silence she turned into Lady Magpie, the exotic creature from another world, in silence she accepted the first tributes of her existence.

Lady Magpie, at last, singing her song

Lady Magpie, at last, singing her song

She could hardly believe it was true, after half a lifetime she suddenly mattered, still she stayed silent, hardly breathing. She went about her business and tended to her gardens and to whoever walked through her door, her heart soaring high above her in a new-found freedom. She was forgotten and she was remembered, but it didn’t matter, because none of it was real, and for the first time she became true to herself. One early morning she stepped into her garden, opened her soul and sang…Her song. She is Lady Magpie and she is true.

(It was hard to find credits for these beautiful pics, but I hope and wish that you amazing photographers out there realize the why and how I used your soulful pics of these beautiful birds <3)

KARMA

“What goes around,  comes around”. That would imply a circle of punishment or rewards for our action. If we behave badly, bad things happen to us and vice verse. I like the phrase, but I don’t believe in punishment and reward. The more time passes, and I look closely at the implications of my actions, I have come to realize it is the other way around; Karma is one of our keys to learning. Karma is not the response to our actions, it’s the trigger. When Karma happens to us it is because we attract it for our personal growth, and our reactions define who we are. Karma is constant.

Example: Late one night I was driving home on a deserted highway, when suddenly a young man was standing by the road. My first instinct was to pass him…you never know, right? But I stopped and picked him up. It turned out that his moped had run out of gas somewhere and he had been walking for 2 hours, trying to find a gas-station. I took him to a gas-station and he filled up a canister, but then he had no idea whatsoever of where his moped was, somewhere in a village. We drove around for more than an hour in a myriad of little villages until we found it. The boy was only 17 and going back home from his girlfriend’s house and he was totally lost. When he asked me why I had helped him and how he could repay me, I said: “Karma, one day you will do the same thing for somebody else and even if it takes 20 years, when it happens you will remember this”. And honestly, I felt sooo good about myself, I was purring like a cat, thinking; “oh yes, I got myself some good Karma there”.

Looking at this episode today I realize that Karma did not come to me from what I did; the boy was Karma – the choice of helping or not. The situation triggered something in me, defining who I chose to be at that moment. For the boy I was not Karma, the breaking down of the moped and finding himself abandoned in the night was his Karma – not for anything he had done before, but because he needed to learn something about himself.

Karma is there, around us, all the time; the chance to personal growth, it is up to us to choose it. And sometimes Karma comes and hits us so hard in the face, that we lose our breath, this is when a learning experience is absolutely necessary, not because of something we did, or did not, do. We will constantly attract Karma in different ways and the results of our actions is not Karma, it is what we learned from the Karmatic experience.

NON-VIOLENT COMMUNICATION

I have spent the last week looking at communication; what and how we communicate. I have spent time with a very wise friend and together we have explored what communication really is about.

How do we speak to each-other? Especially when there is anger, disappointment or resentment? By projecting our negative feelings on to the other person, we make them responsible for what we feel and turn ourselves into victims.

This type of communication is usually the biggest problem between couples that come to me for talks. They do not know how to speak with each-other or how to listen to each-other. Each is wrapped up in their own coat of disappointment, anger and negativity, and this is where they fall back each time there is an argument. This kind of communication creates a negative downward spiral that leads to more accusation and grief, feeding itself in every turn, making it impossible to find a solution.

We own our feelings, we need to own our feelings, and we must constantly be aware of this. When there are negative feelings about something it is because we experience an unfulfilled need. When listening to somebody; listen to the need behind the words. We are responsible only for our own feelings and we need to connect to our inner selves to understand why we feel the way we do. Most often it is easier to blame somebody else. The same goes for listening; instead of taking responsibility for another’s feelings, we need to step back, liberate ourselves from this responsibility and listen to the need behind the words. The moment we do this, non-violent communication is activated; we start looking for solutions and we step away from blame, criticism and attack.

Each and every person has a right to feel whatever they are feeling and nobody has the right to say that this is wrong or unacceptable. We choose how to react:

“What others do may be a stimulus of our feelings, but not the cause.”

– Marshall B. Rosenberg, Ph.D.,

There is plenty of information on: http://www.nonviolentcommunication.com

On YouTube you can find short films where Marshall B. Rosenberg speaks about nonviolent communication.