Tag Archives: time

I don’t have a television

I don’t and I never did. Yes, during the years when the children were growing up we had one though there were a few reasons why it never became a major part of our lives: We lived in the middle of the forest so reception was only good when weather was clear. Besides we lived in Sweden and only had the 2 channels that sort of come automatically, they don’t rock.

When I came to Luxembourg I planned to have one, sort of, but all the hassle, costs and my basic disinterest made it never happen. I had a cheap telly for watching movies, but that went out the door the moment I realized I could do it on my computer…I’m not picky, I just want to be entertained so screen-size, sound etc matters nothing to me. Besides, televisions are really big and ugly, even if they are fancy flat-screens hanging on the wall. Ugly!

And you know, if you are in a room with people and a TV, the people will constantly look at the TV, even if it’s not on and I find that irritating, weird and a bit crazed. There you are, chatting away, having drinks and snacks and the person you’re talking to is constantly looking toward the telly. So you start wondering if they are even hearing what you’re saying? HELLO, I’m here! The whole room is designed around that ugly thing, so wherever you sit (or stand) it’s the main focal point. My living room is a ….Living room. It’s made for movement, creativity and hanging out

I do stuff and I am a very creative person. I love doing stuff; sewing, reading, writing, dancing, drawing, gardening, studying and research…I love my own company and the conversations I, me and myself have are absolutely riveting. Since coming to Luxembourg “we” even do it in different languages… 🙂

People ask me how I get so much done, they think I am this totally speedy doer. I’m not. I just have lots of time to do stuff since there is no disruption of a telly. I do watch YouTube tutorials for things I like to learn; lately I have learned to make silk-flowers and pearl embroidery and I have made some beautiful stuff. I learn to sew better and create the pretty stuff I have in my head but can’t afford to buy. This is what I do when others watch television. Last evening I finished a pearl embroidered belt to go with my beautiful New Look skirt that I sewed a couple of days ago. Practice makes perfect and practice takes time. So if you have creative ideas or want to get stuff done; chuck that ugly ol’ thing and get into action. You will never look back!NewLookBälte

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Goddess

Always when I see pics of women they are young, beautiful, half-naked Goddess-like creatures. I am not. I was – once, but not anymore. Now I am a middle-aged, 4-children-body, eyes lined with pain, sorrow and joy-Goddess.

I don’t think all goddesses are young and gorgeous, I think the most powerful ones are the ladies that have been around for a while, the ladies that know about life and what it entails. The women who have, silently, suffered through every heart-ache in the world and still stand, who shed their tears in private and then go to the young ones to help them dry theirs…

I believe they are the silent, unobtrusive, hardly noticeable women who lightens up a dark house with a fire…Or a flower. She who carries her heart proudly,  with sorrow and joy. She – the invisible – making the world a better place by giving her love over and over again.

The old woman that nobody sees, that holds the little child in her arms and sing songs to it. The old woman we go to share our deepest inner secrets. She will carry your secrets, kiss away your tears and always love you, no matter what. She is the goddess, the place of rest and peace. She demands nothing and gives everything.

(pic: artatwoodstock.blogspot.com)

(pic of TreeGodess, top, from Wordcatcher Colin Demet)

JUST LIVING LIFE

My last child just left home. I have had children leave home for 10 yrs and have gotten sort of used to it. But each time before, there was still another child there…or a few. I knew, for many months, that this last one was leaving and I also looked forward to being just me, after 27 years of living a life that revolved around my children because, when they came, I wanted to be next to them until they left me and I wanted it more than anything else. I have used these many years wisely; learning craft and trade, patience and experience. Upon taking stock of those years I realize the staggering amount of knowledge I have accumulated and I wonder how it happened 🙂 I was just living life.

The last weeks before the Little One left, we spent much time together in conversation about all things between heaven and earth. She is as hungry for understanding as I remembered myself to be and kept pushing for answers, irritated by how complicated it was to get them.

“This is life”, I told her. “This, all of this. The answers to your questions; Life is the answer. The time, the frustrations, the understandings, all this is life and it takes a lifetime, no matter how short or long it may be. By living life we are answering our questions, life is what happens when we are living.” As I heard myself speak I felt a deep satisfaction over my life, about all I have done, learned and accomplished. And most of all I felt that deep sense of peace that I was looking for in my youth.

Experience and knowledge take time to collect and all phases in our lives contribute to who we become. From feeling impatient about the time everything took, I am now deeply grateful for that time so that now, when I enter a new phase of life, I have the tools and the knowledge to succeed in what I undertake. I am glad for all my years, for the overview it brings me and I am glad to see that every single thing that happened to me in life, good or bad, taught me something valuable. I was just living life.

WHEN CHAOS PATTERNED ITSELF

This has been a long quiet summer of contemplation, mentoring young adults, learning and letting go. The summer just went on and on forever but yesterday I felt the first real breath of autumn and I know it is here to stay. Today the last young ones left me and I am finally alone with time to gather, synthesize and activate the input from summer’s activities (and lack thereof 🙂 ).

At the time I paused in my writing my head went into simple chaos and I could find no pattern, there was nothing in there but scattered pictures, words, ideas and feelings. I could do nothing about it and I felt myself losing control. That was the first learning, the illusion that I had control. Then everything I had been doing or planning just exploded into little fragments and I realized that I could only let go and hope for the best. Sort of freaky. I was alone for some time which I spent meditating and waiting while sitting on my terrace or working in the garden. The village went silent as people went away for the holidays and then the young ones started coming, young random people who came looking for me asking me to teach them. At first I was weary; teach what? and why? But I let them stay. Then, as I started learning, I could teach them what they needed, what they came looking for. They became my teachers and little by little the chaos in me started forming into patterns.

All summer I have been receiving words, just simple words, and I write them down in a book, giving each word a page. Little by little these pages get filled with clues to the meaning of the words, what all those chaotic pieces in my head mean. I am still in “reception-mode” but I feel it is coming to an end and it will shortly be time to take action. I am still not sure how that will look, getting only one clue at a time 🙂 but it is exciting.

I spent much time watching nature around me; a little miniature universe of teachers. Watching nature takes time and there are great teachings to be had.

This summer was unusual, it was amazing (and scary) to be thrown into chaos and having no control over anything at all. I realize this is the only place in which we can truly receive, because all the “chatter” and what we think we know sort of disappears. The teachings I have received astound me and I am filled with a kind of exaltation. But now I want to work.