There is always a solution to every dilemma – always. It might not be the solution we want and it might take longer than we wish, but it’s always there. The biggest problem is that we most often don’t see it, we rack our brains trying to find a solution and just seem to get more and more stuck. As I have said before, we carry all answers within – also the solution to our present dilemma so why is it so hard to find?
First of all, every one of us have a mind-set of how things are supposed to be which effectively closes the door on every possibility that doesn’t fit in our mind-set. Secondly, we might not like the solution much because we want another outcome. As life is a learning experience, we never have answers before-hand, we are sort of “swinging it” as we go along and even though we think we have an overview of how it is supposed to be, we don’t. The idea of “supposed to be” springs from our mind-set, learning and training in days gone by and we tend to stick to our pre-conceived notions. Basically we have a very small knowledge of how “fate” moves and an even smaller amount of trust.
I have an example for you: A friend of mine built himself a recording studio that ended up costing more than expected, so when the time came to buy the equipment, there was not enough money left. He was anguished, seeing his dream go down the drain and tried to figure out ways to find more money. We had a long talk and I told him not to worry, this was but a learning process along the way and it would work out fine, he would get the equipment. Needless to say he thought me a fool and a dreamer, but as he couldn’t find a solution he just let it go for the moment and he already had a date with the company selling equipment. He went there and spent hours checking out the goods and choosing what he wanted for the studio. When all was done, it turned out that he had just enough money…until it came to the paper-work. The company was a whole-sale company and could not sell to him since he was not a retailer. As he felt his dream go down the drain – again, the guy looked at him and said; “Well, since we have already decided on everything, we will make an exception for you.”
My friend ended up getting all his equipment at whole-sale price, which was exactly the amount of money he had. This was one solution that had never entered his mind. He is now doing beautiful work in his funky recording studio. 🙂
One thing I have noticed time and time again is that many people seem to be very proud of their stress. They are forever listing all the things they have to do, and if you do not praise them they get upset. They are the people who always do more than anybody else. If you say you worked 16 hours in a row, they worked 24. Then there are the people who are forever complaining about their stress; how hard their lives are, how bad they feel and how nobody understands.
What I am hearing in these two groups is the same: Victimization. Stress is nothing to be proud of, it is a sign that all is not well. Most often it is a sign of not listening to yourself and lack of self-respect, no matter if you are boasting or crying about your stress. Both these groups are very difficult to deal with, because they will not accept change. When I make such people list their daily activities, much of what they do is pure rubbish or bad organization and when I point this out, they get upset and I become a “bad guy”. There are forever excuses to why change is not possible, even for such mundane things as changing curtains 3 times a year.
To some people this is part of their “make-up” or personality. It is who they need to be to feel important, to be seen. Victimization functions very well in our society which might be one of the reasons people so easily fall into this trap. (Hand on heart: We have all been there) There are always solutions to any dilemma but we carry the responsibility for our well-being. No matter what kind of person you are, stress will always kick you in the face at one point if you don’t make changes. Some people that I have worked with, become so upset with me that they walk away, only to be back at a later date when they are truly falling apart – usually by disease or unbearable pain. Each time it saddens me that people will allow things to go so far when the problem was quite easily rectified to begin with.
I repeatedly see this phrase in job-ads: “Needs to be stress-resilient”. What is this? Nobody is stress-resilient; some individuals can handle a lot for a long time before they break…but usually they break so much harder. What the job-ads should say is: “Needs to be self-aware”.
I work with health, not disease. My job is to keep my clients healthy and balanced. More often than not people come to me as the “last resort” when nothing else has functioned. From this very low point in their lives it is a long haul to get back to balance. I should be the “first resort”, before things get bad. In China doctors are “judged” by their ability to keep patients healthy and in balance. Maybe a concept that we, in the Western world, should adopt?
Posted in Lifestyle, Personal development, Stress
Tagged balance, complaints, health, personality, pride, self-awareness, solutions, Stress, victimization
I have quite a few children that come to me for different reasons, ranging in age from babies to adolescents, usually they are between 5 and 16 years old. There are plenty of reasons why a child / adolescent would need to see a therapist not least because of stress. Growing up is not so easy and there are so many different signals and pressures in a child’s life to make it confusing. At different points in life we need different back-ups – I am one.
When a child comes to me I usually have some information from parents and/or teachers beforehand so I have some vague idea of what is going on. When the child comes I ask questions and talk to him/her to get an idea of what is going on. Usually information comes through words or posture that even surprises the parents. Children are very clear and easy to read, but you need to watch carefully. Once I have a good connection with the child and she/he is feeling safe and calm, I choose a range of essential oils for testing.
I let the child smell one oil at a time, paying close attention to visible and invisible signals from the child as well as preference; like / don’t like. Usually we end up with 3-4 oils that I then blend in a base of vegetable oil. What is really interesting is that the oils usually confirm or strengthen my diagnosis of the child, sometimes a child’s choice of an oil gives me invaluable and extra information about what she/he is working on. The blend is of course very different scent-wise from individual essential oils, but the child always lights up when he/she smells his/her blended scent.
At this point the parents need to get into the action. Children connect very deeply with a person who makes them feel safe and good and “seen”. This is why I never massage smaller children; they must not connect with me, but with their parents/care-takers. So I teach the parents to massage; when, where and how. I always give the oil-blend to the child when they leave, it enhances the feeling of being capable and positive which kick-starts the healing-process: The child feels that he/she has the power to change things. Another session is always booked for follow-up after 3 weeks time.
I have been able to positively help every child that ever came to me. If there are “problems” such as dyslexia, ADD etc we work around them, diminishing the idea of a problem and building up the idea of a challenge. A positive outlook on things changes a lot, but a child needs help with this, sometimes even the whole family.
There are always solutions
Posted in Aromatherapy, Babies & Children
Tagged ADD, Aromatherapy, Babies & Children, children, dyslexia, essential oils, family, healing, hope, Massage, safety, solutions