Tag Archives: needs

LETTING GO part 1

Unbeknownst to us we hold onto stuff that is hindering us in our lives or development. Oftentimes we are not aware of it or refuse to acknowledge it. Sometimes we are in denial, because it’s easier or makes us feel better. Whatever the reason, the stuff we hold onto is ballast in our lives and it is slowing us down. We might be holding onto some, or all, of the following categories:

  • People
  • Places
  • Things
  • Emotions & feelings
  • Ideas & beliefs
  • Disease
  • Stress

Usually whatever we are holding onto creates a negative feeling in us because we hold on from fear. It efficiently closes the door on expansion. We need to let go. Whatever we are holding on to, it’s always lodged in the past;

  • “I know what I have but I don’t know what I’ll get”

Consider yourself as an energetic being for a moment; you have 100% of energy to use every day and this will be distributed within your being. Everything costs energy and this will be taken from your 100%, including old stuff that should be long gone. So if you use up, say 40%, of your overall energy just for the ballast, you have reduced your daily “income” with 60%. This is like having a massive energy-leak in your home and constantly, unnecessarily, paying that bill.

We all grow up with certain mindsets from our families or society; they lodge in the sub-conscious mind and rule how we live our lives. Religion, trauma, misunderstandings all “keep us in our place”. Usually those who are the closest to us are the ones most opposed to any change you choose to do, because if you change this will automatically create change in them and they are not ready for that. Every single person I have ever worked with on this issue say the same thing; “My …(parents, spouse, sister, friend) talked me out of it / don’t understand / don’t support…

We are not supposed to hang onto things, not even trauma. At one point we have to let it go. I wise man I know said; “It’s like walking up a mountain, dragging a dead horse. The horse is dead, let it go“. (I love this sentence)

Once I was asked by a friend to help her clear out her ridiculously full attic; I went over and we worked all day. At the end of the day we had 3 equal piles: To keep, Charity and Trash. At that point this friend started looking through the piles, changing her mind; “Oh, but I might need this one day, I can’t throw this away, oh,oh,oh, my memories, my life”. She put it all back in the attic. 2 years later she payed a fortune in moving fees AND storage, because her new home was too small to hold all the stuff!

I have met people who refuse to heal – consciously refused to heal, because they are afraid of what that change might bring. I have met people with childhood traumas who refuse to let them go and forever spend their time crying and wondering why life isn’t happening to them. I have met people who want to lose weight but won’t do the work…. One thing they all have in common is fear and self-pity; being a victim.

I have also met the above people who did the necessary changes; who passed the fear and self-pity and started to take charge of their lives, turning things around and feeling good about themselves, accepting whatever changes that came. There is no such thing as the proverbial silver spoon, there is only personal responsibility and the will to change.

Since this article is very long, I will post it in parts. Part 2 will come tomorrow.

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CHILDREN

Children live and act from their hearts until they are told differently. A child is forever telling their world around them of their love; little physical gestures, a picture, doing a chore unasked… The list is long. If you pay attention to this, and see the child and her efforts, she will stay loving and generous. All children need to be seen, not because they are children, but because they are people who will become adults. Biologically a child needs to be seen to survive, not only on an emotional level, but also physical; a child who is seen will be fed and cared for. The worst thing that can happen to a child is indifference.

If you are indifferent to a child and forget to pay attention to their communication they will try another way, usually the opposite, by becoming obnoxious, loud and aggressive. This kind of behaviour always attracts attention, and the child got what it wanted – even though it is not positive: A seen child is fed and cared for. This stretches all the way back to our origins. We might have evolved but our basic needs are still the same.

Children are constantly hungry for knowledge; they are forever asking why, what is that, how does it function. They learn and remember easily and effortlessly, because usually what they want to know is connected to understanding their world. A child will always learn from her level of need. I have seen children teach themselves to read, swim, ride, count and much more, only from curiosity and need. Still society seems to believe that if children are not trained according to the “rules” of schooling, they will grow up to be uneducated imbeciles!

Often children are forced into a pattern of learning that does not fit with their development or skills and they feel stupid. A child who feels stupid either gives up or fights. A child learns while in movement, still we force them to sit still. A child can hold concentration for a maximum of 20 minutes, how many minutes does a class last? Children need to move constantly through the day, yet the sit and sit for hours.

We are guides for our children, our job is to back them up on their journey to becoming adults, not to tell them what to do. Children, more often than not, have a much stronger sense for right and wrong than do adults and their world is non-judgemental and caring.

I heard about this school: Sudbury Valley School where the whole learning process is built on children’s ability to “get what they need”. Take a look and prepare yourself to be most impressed by their work.