Tag Archives: need

What are you prepared to give up for life?

Mother Earth is suffering, worse, she’s seriously sick, and she needs help NOW. Right this minute and every minute after that for as long as you can imagine. This is reality. Mother Earth is our life-support and when she suffers, we suffer. She is ill and so are we. The question is; what are you prepared to do, or give up, to save her…And yourself?

It is daunting, isn’t it? Multinational corporations that can’t be touched, using up, polluting and destroying our world. We feel very small in their shadow. We rave and we rant, looking for “clean” solutions, which is good but only goes so far. We live in a world where we take the results of this destruction for granted; electricity, fuel for our cars, foods from everywhere in our corner-shop, new machines, technology…Most everything that we use and feel we need – Every day! What are you prepared to give up? Will you exchange your car for a cleaner alternative, or maybe start commuting? Will you stop buying stuff? Will you turn off your electricity even though it is not a question of economy? Will you keep your old telly, computer, stereo, phone that still works fine and forego the fancy new model? Will you start repairing your old clothes instead of buying new? Everything is limited and everything has a cost. There is no such thing as unlimited resources.

Earth Hour; one hour per year people turn of their electricity to make a stand for Mother Earth; that’s one hour out of 8 760 hours in a year. Why am I not impressed? A lot of people won’t even do this one hour, I have heard some of the comments; “what should I do for one hour without my machines…?” And during this one hour, closed stores are still lit up like Christmas trees so we can look through the window and drool over all the stuff we think that we need or want.

People; if you want change, you will have to be the change. We are all consumers and as such we hold tremendous power. The multinational corporations might seem daunting and we stand before them as Don Quixote before the windmills. But we are the world! Every little person put together become the ruler, but only if we are prepared to put it into action. So again; What are you prepared to give up for life?

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CENTERED IN THE SELF

One of the most important things for balance in life is to be centered in the Self and this is not always an easy thing. From early  age we are conditioned to put others before ourselves and when we don’t we are called egoists. This has created tremendous amounts of guilt in most of us and guilt moves into anger and fear. The egoist approach awakens when we are not centered in our Self, when we constantly fear that we will not get what we need, then we will override both our Self and others to make sure that we are safe – or seen.

So what is being centered in the Self, and how do we stay centered? First of all it’s about self-respect and self-love; listening to our inner voice and the signals we send ourselves, not overriding our own will in favor of others. When we are aligned with ourselves, we will automatically align with those around us and all needs will be filled.

Centered in the Self is abut that; centered. In each and every situation we need to feel if this is right for us. Sometimes our reactions come from conditioning and they are recognizable by the accompanying feeling of guilt or grudge. Feelings move and are received on a subconscious level. We have all received something (be it thing or action) that was accompanied by guilt or grudge and we knew it. It made us feel uncomfortable and guilty, so the exchange became an exchange of guilt instead of something positive. Each time we do something from guilt or fear, the feelings transport themselves in the action, creating even more negative space.

When centered in the Self, we give with love and joy, transporting a sense of positivity, making us and the receiver feel good. When we are centered we give love and respect to others because this is what we carry within; We can never give that what we don’t have. Being centered means that we open up space around us which helps us to not get overwhelmed and exhausted. This same space automatically opens up to others as well. The conditioning of negative egoism makes us deny ourselves in favor of others, this means that others need to deny themselves in favor of us – or we would all be in a bad place. What is going on here is a complete denial of self-responsibility, leaving us depleted, helpless and scared.

Being centered in the Self is self-empowerment; from this place we are able and capable to do wonders – both to ourselves and those around us without being depleted or depleting others. Remember; “Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day; teach a man to fish and he’ll eat forever.” Now, this guy might not thank you, because he wanted the momentary fish to eat. But when he finds the self-empowerment of not being in need, he will be happy….and he’ll teach somebody else to fish.

It is not easy to step out of the vicious circle of guilt and fear, so deeply is it conditioned. The conditioning says that not catering to the needs of others is unloving, this is not true. Sometimes the greatest act of love is a kick in the behind.

NON-VIOLENT COMMUNICATION

I have spent the last week looking at communication; what and how we communicate. I have spent time with a very wise friend and together we have explored what communication really is about.

How do we speak to each-other? Especially when there is anger, disappointment or resentment? By projecting our negative feelings on to the other person, we make them responsible for what we feel and turn ourselves into victims.

This type of communication is usually the biggest problem between couples that come to me for talks. They do not know how to speak with each-other or how to listen to each-other. Each is wrapped up in their own coat of disappointment, anger and negativity, and this is where they fall back each time there is an argument. This kind of communication creates a negative downward spiral that leads to more accusation and grief, feeding itself in every turn, making it impossible to find a solution.

We own our feelings, we need to own our feelings, and we must constantly be aware of this. When there are negative feelings about something it is because we experience an unfulfilled need. When listening to somebody; listen to the need behind the words. We are responsible only for our own feelings and we need to connect to our inner selves to understand why we feel the way we do. Most often it is easier to blame somebody else. The same goes for listening; instead of taking responsibility for another’s feelings, we need to step back, liberate ourselves from this responsibility and listen to the need behind the words. The moment we do this, non-violent communication is activated; we start looking for solutions and we step away from blame, criticism and attack.

Each and every person has a right to feel whatever they are feeling and nobody has the right to say that this is wrong or unacceptable. We choose how to react:

“What others do may be a stimulus of our feelings, but not the cause.”

– Marshall B. Rosenberg, Ph.D.,

There is plenty of information on: http://www.nonviolentcommunication.com

On YouTube you can find short films where Marshall B. Rosenberg speaks about nonviolent communication.