Tag Archives: letting go

The difference between letting go and running away

The one thing I learned in my turbulent life was to let go – of everything. I was moved between countries, between homes, between schools and every time all was lost; not only friends and places but also things. My magic boxes full of little insignificant treasures, my clothes, my toys. The first time I was displaced I also lost the person I loved the most, she who was peace and security to me, I never saw her again. I was just about to turn seven.

That was the first time I was displaced; I found myself in a new country without any of my belongings except a teddy-bear and a school-book. I struggled to understand, to fit in, to learn the language, to not be afraid. I locked myself in a shell and lived in a fantasy-world in my head. I was beaten, mocked and un-loved, waiting for the day when I could go “home”, to a place that didn’t exist anymore. A place which it would take another 35 years before I saw again.

The same scenario happened over and over again, albeit in the same country. I went to 14 different schools and never graduated. I collected new treasures and every time there was a move, an upheaval, the treasures were lost. Finally this became my reality. I stopped having treasure-boxes.

I learned to trust nobody, I learned to not get attached, I learned to live in my head and I learned to be safe in insecurity. It formed me and how I would live my life. I watched but didn’t join in.

When, as an adult woman with children, I finally settled down into a safe place I was happy. I thought I was settled – for real. But then the upheaval came again and I left for another country, another life. I couldn’t stay. In my new country I spent years waiting, unknowingly, for the day of yet another departure, because that was all I knew. Keep going, leaving, letting go. I am an expert at letting go.

One day I realised that I didn’t want to do it again. I didn’t want to be a displaced person. I wanted to form attachments, I wanted to watch the future unfold around me, in one place. I just wanted peace. I wanted to build something that was mine, create a small niche in the universe where I co-existed.

I made a decision to stay and form that future right where I am. It was scary, it still is. I am not sure how long it will take before I find peace in my decision, but it has to be done.

There is a lot of talk about the importance of letting go, and it is important to know how to let go. But it is also important to learn to stop and be part. To accept and take responsibility for that. Because if you are an expert let-go’er, you never catch up with yourself. You end up living your life on the bylines, watching life rather than living it, never fighting for anything because it’s easier to walk away. Peace comes from within and no matter where you are, it is there.

I might be displaced again in the future, but today it is no longer part of my plan. I am thawing inside, unlocking my heart to let life in. I am still expert at letting go, but now I do allow and  fight for that which is important to me. I am starting a new magic box of treasures. Almost 50 years have passed since that first little death of trust and I am re-structuring my soul, having dreams, taking part and being there.cropped-hagen.jpg

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THE QUEST

The Road-trip I took was actually a quest; something I have known for years had to be done but which I also dreaded, pushing it on the future year after year. And now I did it! Though I had second thoughts when cars kept breaking down…

Life is a forward motion and we have to leave things behind, it’s as simple as that. The place I have lived and loved almost my entire life is one of them. Somebody else owns it now and it has become my past. I choose to go forward, not backwards and that means that I have to let it go. I will never go back there again and it is liberating. What surprised me was that it was easier than I thought. 🙂

I left for my trip with no expectations, my only focus was to make closure with my past. Along the way situations, people and places happened and I had the time to just be in it. Instead of going into the past, I found myself in the present and the past had lost its grip on me.

Letting go is empowering and it opens up for so many new and different possibilities, some (or most) of them completely unexpected. Life is truly an adventure.

LETTING GO part 1

Unbeknownst to us we hold onto stuff that is hindering us in our lives or development. Oftentimes we are not aware of it or refuse to acknowledge it. Sometimes we are in denial, because it’s easier or makes us feel better. Whatever the reason, the stuff we hold onto is ballast in our lives and it is slowing us down. We might be holding onto some, or all, of the following categories:

  • People
  • Places
  • Things
  • Emotions & feelings
  • Ideas & beliefs
  • Disease
  • Stress

Usually whatever we are holding onto creates a negative feeling in us because we hold on from fear. It efficiently closes the door on expansion. We need to let go. Whatever we are holding on to, it’s always lodged in the past;

  • “I know what I have but I don’t know what I’ll get”

Consider yourself as an energetic being for a moment; you have 100% of energy to use every day and this will be distributed within your being. Everything costs energy and this will be taken from your 100%, including old stuff that should be long gone. So if you use up, say 40%, of your overall energy just for the ballast, you have reduced your daily “income” with 60%. This is like having a massive energy-leak in your home and constantly, unnecessarily, paying that bill.

We all grow up with certain mindsets from our families or society; they lodge in the sub-conscious mind and rule how we live our lives. Religion, trauma, misunderstandings all “keep us in our place”. Usually those who are the closest to us are the ones most opposed to any change you choose to do, because if you change this will automatically create change in them and they are not ready for that. Every single person I have ever worked with on this issue say the same thing; “My …(parents, spouse, sister, friend) talked me out of it / don’t understand / don’t support…

We are not supposed to hang onto things, not even trauma. At one point we have to let it go. I wise man I know said; “It’s like walking up a mountain, dragging a dead horse. The horse is dead, let it go“. (I love this sentence)

Once I was asked by a friend to help her clear out her ridiculously full attic; I went over and we worked all day. At the end of the day we had 3 equal piles: To keep, Charity and Trash. At that point this friend started looking through the piles, changing her mind; “Oh, but I might need this one day, I can’t throw this away, oh,oh,oh, my memories, my life”. She put it all back in the attic. 2 years later she payed a fortune in moving fees AND storage, because her new home was too small to hold all the stuff!

I have met people who refuse to heal – consciously refused to heal, because they are afraid of what that change might bring. I have met people with childhood traumas who refuse to let them go and forever spend their time crying and wondering why life isn’t happening to them. I have met people who want to lose weight but won’t do the work…. One thing they all have in common is fear and self-pity; being a victim.

I have also met the above people who did the necessary changes; who passed the fear and self-pity and started to take charge of their lives, turning things around and feeling good about themselves, accepting whatever changes that came. There is no such thing as the proverbial silver spoon, there is only personal responsibility and the will to change.

Since this article is very long, I will post it in parts. Part 2 will come tomorrow.