Tag Archives: feelings

CENTERED IN THE SELF

One of the most important things for balance in life is to be centered in the Self and this is not always an easy thing. From early  age we are conditioned to put others before ourselves and when we don’t we are called egoists. This has created tremendous amounts of guilt in most of us and guilt moves into anger and fear. The egoist approach awakens when we are not centered in our Self, when we constantly fear that we will not get what we need, then we will override both our Self and others to make sure that we are safe – or seen.

So what is being centered in the Self, and how do we stay centered? First of all it’s about self-respect and self-love; listening to our inner voice and the signals we send ourselves, not overriding our own will in favor of others. When we are aligned with ourselves, we will automatically align with those around us and all needs will be filled.

Centered in the Self is abut that; centered. In each and every situation we need to feel if this is right for us. Sometimes our reactions come from conditioning and they are recognizable by the accompanying feeling of guilt or grudge. Feelings move and are received on a subconscious level. We have all received something (be it thing or action) that was accompanied by guilt or grudge and we knew it. It made us feel uncomfortable and guilty, so the exchange became an exchange of guilt instead of something positive. Each time we do something from guilt or fear, the feelings transport themselves in the action, creating even more negative space.

When centered in the Self, we give with love and joy, transporting a sense of positivity, making us and the receiver feel good. When we are centered we give love and respect to others because this is what we carry within; We can never give that what we don’t have. Being centered means that we open up space around us which helps us to not get overwhelmed and exhausted. This same space automatically opens up to others as well. The conditioning of negative egoism makes us deny ourselves in favor of others, this means that others need to deny themselves in favor of us – or we would all be in a bad place. What is going on here is a complete denial of self-responsibility, leaving us depleted, helpless and scared.

Being centered in the Self is self-empowerment; from this place we are able and capable to do wonders – both to ourselves and those around us without being depleted or depleting others. Remember; “Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day; teach a man to fish and he’ll eat forever.” Now, this guy might not thank you, because he wanted the momentary fish to eat. But when he finds the self-empowerment of not being in need, he will be happy….and he’ll teach somebody else to fish.

It is not easy to step out of the vicious circle of guilt and fear, so deeply is it conditioned. The conditioning says that not catering to the needs of others is unloving, this is not true. Sometimes the greatest act of love is a kick in the behind.

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NON-VIOLENT COMMUNICATION

I have spent the last week looking at communication; what and how we communicate. I have spent time with a very wise friend and together we have explored what communication really is about.

How do we speak to each-other? Especially when there is anger, disappointment or resentment? By projecting our negative feelings on to the other person, we make them responsible for what we feel and turn ourselves into victims.

This type of communication is usually the biggest problem between couples that come to me for talks. They do not know how to speak with each-other or how to listen to each-other. Each is wrapped up in their own coat of disappointment, anger and negativity, and this is where they fall back each time there is an argument. This kind of communication creates a negative downward spiral that leads to more accusation and grief, feeding itself in every turn, making it impossible to find a solution.

We own our feelings, we need to own our feelings, and we must constantly be aware of this. When there are negative feelings about something it is because we experience an unfulfilled need. When listening to somebody; listen to the need behind the words. We are responsible only for our own feelings and we need to connect to our inner selves to understand why we feel the way we do. Most often it is easier to blame somebody else. The same goes for listening; instead of taking responsibility for another’s feelings, we need to step back, liberate ourselves from this responsibility and listen to the need behind the words. The moment we do this, non-violent communication is activated; we start looking for solutions and we step away from blame, criticism and attack.

Each and every person has a right to feel whatever they are feeling and nobody has the right to say that this is wrong or unacceptable. We choose how to react:

“What others do may be a stimulus of our feelings, but not the cause.”

– Marshall B. Rosenberg, Ph.D.,

There is plenty of information on: http://www.nonviolentcommunication.com

On YouTube you can find short films where Marshall B. Rosenberg speaks about nonviolent communication.

FRAGRANCES & FEELINGS

MonardaThere are so many different ways to use essential oils, depending on what result or effect you are looking for. When it comes to mood-enhancing, this will happen whatever way you use the oils, since they enter your system. Even if you have lost your sense of smell, the oils will have an effect on your moods and feelings.

Important: If you are sensitive, always use lower doses. You can also test the oil by rubbing a drop of essential oil mixed in vegetable oil onto the inside of your arm. If it itches or turns red, lower the dosage even more or avoid that essential oil/blend. Don’t ever use pure essential oils on your skin. Our sense of smell gets quickly used to a new scent and we don’t smell it anymore. This might make some people use higher doses than necessary. If you are not sure about the scent – leave the room, breath some fresh air and come back.

  • Room fragrance: You can use an electrical aroma-fan which diffuses the oils without heating them – this is the best way to disperse oils in a space, especially to clear the air from bacteria. Aroma-burners use a tea-candle (heat) to disperse the essential oils, this is excellent for fragrance and mood-enhancing. Aroma-stone is an electrical appliance that disperse the oil with the help of heat without using a candle, better to use in childrens room or such. When heated, the oils loose some of their antiseptic qualities, so they are not as effective in, for example, a sick-room.

Tips: If you don’t have an appliance you can drop your essential oil onto a tissue or cotton-ball and lodge by the radiator – make sure there is no risk of fire. Or you can use a bowl of hot water in which you drop your oil.

Dosages: In a small to medium room or a childs room use 2-4 drops. Do not refill more often than once an hour, especially in childrens room where you would also use fewer drops. In a large room you can use up to 10 drops. Bathrooms are easily scented by dropping a drop of essential oil in the wash-basin and rinse it out with warm water. Some people use scented pot-pourri, you can easily scent it with essential oils instead of synthetic fragrance. There are plenty of ways to use essential oils as air-fresheners, room scents etc. Use your imagination and enjoy.

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  • Baths: Pure essential oils are irritating to the skin and mucous membranes so you need to mix them in something since they do not disperse in water. You can mix them in vegetable oil, unscented soap or body-lotion. You can also use cream (like Cleopatra). Soap, lotion and creme will mix the oils with the water – just swish around – vegetable oil will lie on the surface. If you want bubble-bath use the soap! Always add the essential oils when bath is ready.

Dosages: 5-10 drops of essential oils in a carrier. For children 2-5 drops in a carrier. If bathing a child in a smaller bath, use only 1-2 drops in a carrier. For babies; avoid essential oils unless a certified aromatherapist has given you advice.

  • Skin-care: Essential oils are wonderful for skin-care. You can mix essential oils in any un-perfumed lotion, soap, shampoo, conditioner or creme. Try using as natural products as possible to maximize the effect of the essential oils.

Dosages: 10-20 drops of essential oil to 100 ml of lotion, soap, shampoo, conditioner. 2-5 drops of essential oil to 50 ml of face-cream.

Tips: Always start with the lower dosage; it is easy to add more if you like. This way you can control the strength of the scent.

ESSENTIAL OILS (following oils are very useful for emotional imbalances. They are not too expensive and blend well with each-other. They are a good start for aromatherapy.)

  • Lavender (lavandula officinalis, lavandula augustifolia) Wonderful calming and relaxing oil. It is a very good oil for skin-care; dry skin, acne, irritations etc. Helps heal small wounds and burns. Excellent after-sun if burned, use with Aloe Vera gel. If you have problems falling asleep, lavender can help you. Take a lavender-bath before bed or use it as a room-fragrance. (Tips: put one drop on the front of you pj’s or by your pillow when you go to bed.) When there is stress, worry, anxiousness or fear; lavender is calming to the mind. Place a few drops on a tissue and inhale from it. Lavender is a wonderful oil for children; skin, fretfulness, problems sleeping. Wonderful for childrens baths and room-scenting. OBS: use low dosage on children – max 2 drops for sleep – higher doses tend to have the opposite effect.
  • Orange (citrus sinensis) Uplifting to the spirit and safe to use also for children. It brings sunshine into our souls. If really low and unhappy, orange is wonderful to use. It is a versatile skin-care oil especially for oily skin and acne.  OBS: orange essential oil is sensitive to oxidation and stays good only about 6 months. If the oil is cloudy, don’t use it. Once it is oxidized, it becomes a skin-irritant.
  • Rosewood (aniba roseodora) Calming and strengthening in character it is a wonderful oil that is safe to use also for children. It helps when there is insecurity and depression, anxiety and mood-swings. Excellent skin-care oil especially for dry, mature skin and acne.
  • Bee Balm (monarda fistulosa) Tonic, up-lifting and releasing for the emotions and spirit. Balances when there is slight hysteria. Useful for oily skin.
  • Geranium (pelargonium graveolens) Balancing oil  which is highly useful when there are mood-swings, irritation and PMT.  Good general skin-care oil balancing for most skin-types.
  • Frankincense (boswellia carterii) Relaxes and deepens the breathing. Good when there is anxiety and stress. Opens the mind to meditation and quietens inner chatter. Good for oily skin, mature skin and acne.
  • Ylang-Ylang (cananga odorata var. genuina) Euphoric in nature, this oil lifts the spirit and creates a sense of euphoria. Do not use when concentration is needed. For some people it can help when there is a problem with falling asleep – especially when the reason is mental worries. It is extremely helpful when there is anger. In skin-care it is especially  useful with oily skin and acne. OBS: The scent is very strong and can, in higher doses, give head-ache and/or nausea. Use with care.

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