For many years in my life I wrote, I was miserable (in every sense of the word) and would pour it out onto the pages of my diaries. All the secrets, pain and frustrations, my entire wounded self crawled into those books; pages upon pages of despair. I never wrote in my happy moments, never recorded the amazing things that happened to me; just my misery. I started writing at 18 and at 40 something I had quite a collection. These books I stored in a wooden chest with a hefty lock and I painstakingly dragged this chest along to wherever I moved. The lock was to make sure that nobody would read them, mainly my children. I didn’t want anybody to see my pain and my secrets. It was a veritable recording of my victimization.
I brought the chest to my new country and stored it in the attic. But here something in me finally changed. The act of coming here, of choosing something so huge for myself and having the courage to listen to that inner voice telling me to go changed everything. I let the victimized self go, she had no more place in my life and I now chose power. When the first spring in my new house came, I opened that wooden chest for the first time in years, removed all the diaries and built a bonfire in the garden. All those books were burned. I didn’t open any of them, didn’t read one single word. I spent the day in the garden, sick as a dog, burning them books to cinders. In the evening I took a shower, went to bed and slept off my fever.
The next morning as I woke up I felt space; it was as if I was lying under a clear blue sky. The familiar, poisonous weight of all that misery was gone and I felt free, clear and ready to get on with my life. That bonfire cleansed me; a lifetime of despair literally vanished into thin air, the weight of it finally off my shoulders and for the first time I felt empowered. So if you are hanging on to old wounds, throw them on the fire and let them go. You are what you hold on to and you are the only one with the power to change that.
I still write, I will always write. Now I write about learning and teachings I receive. I write about the miracles that happen to me and I share what I write in teachings and through this blog.
Posted in Energetics, Life, Musings
Tagged bonfire, dear diary, empowerment, free space, into thin air, misery, pages of despair, secrets, victimization
What is power exactly? Is it having a say over others? A big mansion, lots of money, an important job? What do we read into the word? Does it have a negative ring?
Lately I have been working around the idea of power and found that it is usually something we apply to others; people having power over us or people having power in a group. When I ask people about their power, they either say they don’t know or they say they don’t have any. Things “just happen” to them.
Here I’d like to speak of personal power, your power. We all have power over ourselves and our lives even though it doesn’t always feel that way. We do have the power to choose our beliefs, opinions and reactions. We have the power to cast off old wounds and negative ideas. And we need to start owning that power.
Once we realize that we own the power over ourselves and what we create in our lives, we can start creating from ourselves instead of giving our power to something outside ourselves that, more often than not, make us miserable.
So try it, say it out loud: I OWN MY POWER, I AM MY POWER. Feel how wonderfully liberating that feels.
I found this picture on FB and just love it…So much that I have to create a post around it. Hmmm, let’s see…
At first look it’s funny (mental belief); a heavy rhino turning into a sleek unicorn? Dream on! Then it becomes touching (emotional belief); rhino is so cute to even imagine the possibility. Next thought is of courage (daring belief); rhino doesn’t give up, he looks at the picture of the unicorn, wanting it so much. The next level is power (limitless belief); rhino has the power to dream the “impossible” dream.
Looking at the picture I realized that this is what we think about most every dream we have. At first we have an idea of what we want, then we travel through all layers of beliefs; mental, emotional, daring, trusting and limitless.
To your eyes the rhino might never look like a unicorn, but in his own eyes he will, if he truly believes he can. That’s all it takes; belief and the courage to stay with it. The motivation needed is to truly want it and then to figure out why we want it.
I am so totally a happy unicorn-looking rhino…Are you?
Love is generous and non-judgmental, Love asks for nothing and is all-encompassing. By giving love we attract it, no matter who or where we are, it is bound-less and limitless.
My life has been, as mentioned before, full of turbulence, hardship and pain but the one thing I have always had, as a gift, was the ability to love indiscriminately. I never really thought about it, it was just always there; a warm feeling in my heart.
Many times I have been scolded for this; for always seeing the best in people and choosing to trust. And yes, I am – in a way – a fool and have been “had” quite a bit through the years because of my “naiveté”. I don’t care, I don’t want to be distrustful…I love loving.
On the love between two people; this seems to be so hard. Instead of the professed love, I see hate, anger, distrust, controlling behaviour and possessiveness. I have had jealous men who made me so insecure that I found I had to protect myself against them and pay attention to my every word. They scared me with their unfounded anger and I could never accept that jealousy was a sign of love – it’s not.
As well as bringing out the best in us, love also brings out the worst. It touches our deepest fears and unleashes them. Since love is unconditional, it will release all kinds of negative emotions in us because it is a safe arena; only in an unconditional environment can you safely ventilate and let go of the negative stuff. And when the love is unconditional, this is possible…Love is healing and love is trust.
Today is my birthday and I give thanks for the grace of love.
Posted in Energetics, Life, Musings
Tagged controlling behaviour, healing, jealousy and distrust, love indiscriminately, non-judgmental, today is my birthday, trust and release, unconditional love, without boundaries
I think this is the most important question we can ever ask – about anything: “Why do I want this?” “Why do I react like this?” “Why do I do what I do?”
Little children ask “why” all the time and it usually drives adults crazy because at one point we can’t answer anymore. This is the point where it is smart to say “I don’t know…”
While training to become a therapist, I learned about communication skills in relation to a client. In this training we were taught never to ask why; because it is too pushy, forces the client’s hand…Whatever. Instead you should ask round-about questions such as; “what would it do to you if…”. I am fine with this but I truly don’t understand the taboo around “why“. It is a simple, straightforward question that really puts things into perspective.
The why is what drives us, our motivation and our lust. Without a why, there is no forward motion. It is the best question if you are looking for information, any information; “why does the sun go up?” If you no longer have a curiosity to why things happen (or don’t) you are in a rut or a depression. You have stopped moving forward and life is probably rather bleak. You are not interested in knowledge, understanding or change and you probably lost connection with yourself.
When I ask you: “What is your dream?” and you need ages to think of something, you have a problem. If you finally come up with an answer but don’t understand why you want it, it will never happen. We move forward on our why’s; by knowing and understanding what we are looking for we can make it happen. If you are just looking to get rich, it won’t happen. But if you can figure out why you want to get rich, it might happen. The same goes for everything; if you don’t know why, how will you ever find a reason and motivation to do anything? Once you start asking why, you might even find that your wish or goal is quite different from what you originally thought and voilà! you learned something about yourself.
So; why am I writing this blog? Because it matters, the things I write about changed my life (and others) so much to the better and I want to share that. BUT, when I started writing this was not clear to me, I just wanted to make myself heard.
Go ahead; pick a topic in your life and ask the why’s, over and over again, until you reach your deepest want, lust or fear and you will find your road to success.
I am Swedish, my papers say so and my parents are Swedish. I was born in Japan and lived there until I was seven years old when we moved to Sweden. I felt Japanese and considered Japan my home. My “mother” was my Japanese nanny whom I loved dearly , she was my “safe place”. Sweden was not a nice place for me to come to, I was treated like an unwanted immigrant and I kept waiting to “go home” (to Japan). Finally, at 11 years of age I realized that this would never happen and was thrown into despair. Life was unkind to me in Sweden, I was too different and just couldn’t fit in no matter how hard I tried.
As a young adult I traveled around Europe and felt much more at ease in other countries than “my own” and I “became” European. I lived my life in Sweden feeling constantly unsafe, as if bad things could happen at any time, I just didn’t feel comfortable. But I got on with my life. After 30 years in Sweden I finally went back to Japan for a visit and though I felt at home in my heart I realized that I did not belong there anymore, nor did I “belong” in Sweden.
Then life changed, as it does, dramatically and I chose to leave Sweden for good. With a little van I moved my entire life to Luxembourg (why and how is a whole different story). It was not very planned and the first years were extremely difficult, still I felt safe and happy here – as if the country embraced me in welcome and I felt happy even in my scariest and most insecure moments. I have now lived here 7 years and every day I thank myself for taking this step, every day I feel love and gratitude toward my new country. I don’t know if I will stay here always, I might find somewhere else I want to go, but I know for a fact that I will never return to Sweden (except for wonderful visits).
I have been judged and criticized for not liking Sweden by other Swedes, apparently you must love your country…These people will not give me the time of day, they consider me a traitor of the worst order. They also are not fond of immigrants. Lots of people love Sweden, and lots of people choose it as “their” country, living happy lives there no matter where they originally came from. Papers and genetics don’t define who we are, our personal selves do. Getting stuck on nationality and “MY country” is dangerous, this is what make people go to war. Nationalism was the cornerstone of Hitler’s political agenda and people bought it, lock stock and barrel.
Moral? There is a “right place” for everybody. Me and Sweden are just not compatible, it doesn’t make Sweden a bad place or me a bad person. I am compatible with Luxembourg. I have African, Turkish, Serbian, Indian friends in Sweden who are totally compatible with the country. Good for them. If you are lucky enough to find your right place, embrace it and stay in Peace.
Posted in Energetics, Life, Uncategorized
Tagged acceptance, choices, compatibility, different countries, different story, nationalism, papers, peace, right place, security
The year of the dragon is upon us since the 23rd of January and it is taking its first breaths. The dragon is a masterful teacher, dragon enhances everything. You’re doing good? Dragon will give you brilliance. You’re not handling stuff? Dragon will bring you to your knees. Beware of your choices and decisions in the year of the dragon – whatever you bet, Dragon will “reward” you a hundred-fold. The Dragon may be extreme – but Dragon is always interesting.
Thank you Yao and Daniel – my Chinese family ❤