MERRY XMAS

All my life I spent Christmas with my family, every year no matter what. They were nice gatherings but also stressy with lots of feelings getting involuntarily aired, we all know how it goes. I would be filled with mixed feelings and always cried at some point after the festivities. Still, every year I looked forward to Christmas and the whole chaotic drama of it.

Then I moved to another country, leaving my ex-husband in Sweden. One child moved to London, 2 came with me to Luxembourg and the 4th stayed in Stockholm. We decided that every second year the children would spend Christmas with me and the other years with their father. My first Christmas alone was surreal; I spent the night in a club with some friends, watching sexy coked out girls in Santa-bikinis dancing on the bar. I came home at 5am. Since then I have spent my odd “alone” Christmases with different people, it’s always different and slightly surreal.

I was surprised by the fact that I didn’t miss the big family-gatherings, that seeing Christmas from another point of view was so interesting and fulfilling. And I realized that I don’t care much for Christmas, often it brings out the worst in people. Having adult children down-scales the need for twinkling, we all have different agendas. Maybe when I have grand-children I will do the whole Christmas bit again and I will probably love it! But for now I am happy with the down-scaling and Christmas has for me become a time to be with people, any people and my world has grown larger and more profound. So instead of locking ourselves away in our clans, maybe we should open up to others. Feed somebody hungry, invite a lonely friend and spread the blessings…

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