The touchiest subject to let go of is personal trauma. It is as if this gives us the right and excuse, not only to suffer, but also to be pitied. Personal trauma is the most difficult thing to get past, especially when it occurs in childhood – such as abuse. At that point in time we are truly victims and helpless; there is absolutely nothing we can do about it and that is a devastating position to be in. But we do grow up and as we mature we are not helpless victims anymore, we can start changing things, we find that we have choices and the power to decide over ourselves. At this point we can either choose to stay in our trauma and accept a less full-filling life, always having somebody/something to blame, OR we can decide to take charge and get past the trauma and on with life, turning our experiences into something creative instead.
To start a process you need to realize there is a problem. Trust me, EVERYBODY hangs on to something and the first step is to find out what this is. Think about what recurring thoughts you have about stuff; “my mother didn’t love me”, “I am sick”, “It won’t work”, “I can’t do it”, “I need it”, “I deserve it”, “If not for …I would be fine”, “I don’t have”…. Sounds familiar? I thought so.
- Look at what areas in your life are not functioning, where you procrastinate, what you are afraid of.
- Break it down by asking WHY, for each answer ask why again.The why’s will take you through the different layers to the original problem or belief.
- Write it down.
- Pro & Con: How would your life change if you let go?
- Then look at HOW you can change it. Find somebody who can back you up.
As a starting exercise, try this: The next time you are in a hurry (read stressed) and get caught in a traffic-jam, let it go; Sit back, turn on some nice music, breath deeply and congratulate yourself on this little moment of peace. Letting go is not only an emotional or mental sensation, it is also physical; there is an actual feeling of warmth and unraveling in the pit of your stomach, a sensation of space around your being. We all know this feeling of release. Remember that time you did something scary? Like jumping off the 3 meter board into the water? That amazing sensation of release once you get past the fear and actually jump. This is how it feels, no matter what you are releasing, this instant moment of trust and freedom.
Every time we allow the fears from our past to stop us, we suffer pangs of regrets – always ending up thinking about how it would have been if we had “done it anyway”. Regrets are debilitating in energy, it never ever moves forward, but keeps us forever caught in the web of the past.
Remember: “The horse is dead, let it go!”