After starting this blog, I realized that I have to be more personal in my writing. Personal is not easy for me since I am a highly private person. But considering the fact that I talk about transgressing fears, I will now do just that.
People I meet and talk with ask how I can understand emotion so well, and how I became a people-reader:
I grew up with abuse on many levels. Early on I became highly attuned to dangers and threats, that is how I started reading people – to protect myself. I have traveled the road to hell more times than I wish to remember; to start with I was put on it, later it was from my own choosing. But each time I found the path back, not without spending some time in hell, but still I always came back. My times in hell taught me valuable things about myself, people and emotion. It taught me who we are when we are dying inside, it showed me where children go to hide and it showed me that there is no difference between people. On the road to hell, we are all the same.
I have had the great luck of meeting amazing people in my life, people who showed me something else; what I could be. I call them my teachers or guides because what they taught me stays true to this day. They showed me that I could turn my fate, that I was not lost because of the abuse, they showed me my greatness. So at one point I actively started turning my life around; reprogramming myself to become what I wanted to be. This is how I became a therapist and a people-reader – not because I wanted to – but because this is what I do best, I have the “schooling” and the knowledge of a lifetime. I consider myself an extremely lucky person – somewhere on the journey my sad story became my biggest asset.
If I can do it – everybody can
I think I am like a pearl; at some point a grain of goodness, love and happiness was lodged in me, and over time it grew into a pearl, unbeknown to me until one day it was time for the pearl to be revealed.
I think everybody carries the seed of the pearl.