Tag Archives: choices

JUST LIVING LIFE

Posted on October 1, 2011 | Leave a comment

My last child just left home. I have had children leave home for 10 yrs and have gotten sort of used to it. But each time before, there was still another child there…or a few. I knew, for many months, that this last one was leaving and I also looked forward to being just me, after 27 years of living a life that revolved around my children because, when they came, I wanted to be next to them until they left me and I wanted it more than anything else. I have used these many years wisely; learning craft and trade, patience and experience. Upon taking stock of those years I realize the staggering amount of knowledge I have accumulated and I wonder how it happened :-) I was just living life.

The last weeks before the Little One left, we spent much time together in conversation about all things between heaven and earth. She is as hungry for understanding as I remembered myself to be and kept pushing for answers, irritated by how complicated it was to get them.

“This is life”, I told her. “This, all of this. The answers to your questions; Life is the answer. The time, the frustrations, the understandings, all this is life and it takes a lifetime, no matter how short or long it may be. By living life we are answering our questions, life is what happens when we are living.” As I heard myself speak I felt a deep satisfaction over my life, about all I have done, learned and accomplished. And most of all I felt that deep sense of peace that I was looking for in my youth.

Experience and knowledge take time to collect and all phases in our lives contribute to who we become. From feeling impatient about the time everything took, I am now deeply grateful for that time so that now, when I enter a new phase of life, I have the tools and the knowledge to succeed in what I undertake. I am glad for all my years, for the overview it brings me and I am glad to see that every single thing that happened to me in life, good or bad, taught me something valuable. I was just living life.

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KARMA

Posted on April 9, 2011 | Leave a comment

“What goes around,  comes around”. That would imply a circle of punishment or rewards for our action. If we behave badly, bad things happen to us and vice verse. I like the phrase, but I don’t believe in punishment and reward. The more time passes, and I look closely at the implications of my actions, I have come to realize it is the other way around; Karma is one of our keys to learning. Karma is not the response to our actions, it’s the trigger. When Karma happens to us it is because we attract it for our personal growth, and our reactions define who we are. Karma is constant.

Example: Late one night I was driving home on a deserted highway, when suddenly a young man was standing by the road. My first instinct was to pass him…you never know, right? But I stopped and picked him up. It turned out that his moped had run out of gas somewhere and he had been walking for 2 hours, trying to find a gas-station. I took him to a gas-station and he filled up a canister, but then he had no idea whatsoever of where his moped was, somewhere in a village. We drove around for more than an hour in a myriad of little villages until we found it. The boy was only 17 and going back home from his girlfriend’s house and he was totally lost. When he asked me why I had helped him and how he could repay me, I said: “Karma, one day you will do the same thing for somebody else and even if it takes 20 years, when it happens you will remember this”. And honestly, I felt sooo good about myself, I was purring like a cat, thinking; “oh yes, I got myself some good Karma there”.

Looking at this episode today I realize that Karma did not come to me from what I did; the boy was Karma – the choice of helping or not. The situation triggered something in me, defining who I chose to be at that moment. For the boy I was not Karma, the breaking down of the moped and finding himself abandoned in the night was his Karma – not for anything he had done before, but because he needed to learn something about himself.

Karma is there, around us, all the time; the chance to personal growth, it is up to us to choose it. And sometimes Karma comes and hits us so hard in the face, that we lose our breath, this is when a learning experience is absolutely necessary, not because of something we did, or did not, do. We will constantly attract Karma in different ways and the results of our actions is not Karma, it is what we learned from the Karmatic experience.

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Posted in Energetics, Lifestyle, Personal development

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LETTING GO part 2

Posted on January 11, 2011 | 1 Comment

The touchiest subject to let go of is personal trauma. It is as if this gives us the right and excuse, not only to suffer, but also to be pitied. Personal trauma is the most difficult thing to get past, especially when it occurs in childhood – such as abuse. At that point in time we are truly victims and helpless; there is absolutely nothing we can do about it and that is a devastating position to be in. But we do grow up and as we mature we are not helpless victims anymore, we can start changing things, we find that we have choices and the power to decide over ourselves. At this point we can either choose to stay in our trauma and accept a less full-filling life, always having somebody/something to blame, OR we can decide to take charge and get past the trauma and on with life, turning our experiences into something creative instead.

To start a process you need to realize there is a problem. Trust me, EVERYBODY hangs on to something and the first step is to find out what this is. Think about what recurring thoughts you have about stuff; “my mother didn’t love me”, “I am sick”, “It won’t work”, “I can’t do it”, “I need it”, “I deserve it”, “If not for …I would be fine”, “I don’t have”…. Sounds familiar? I thought so.

  • Look at what areas in your life are not functioning, where you procrastinate, what you are afraid of.
  • Break it down by asking WHY, for each answer ask why again.The why’s will take you through the different layers to the original problem or belief.
  • Write it down.
  • Pro & Con: How would your life change if you let go?
  • Then look at HOW you can change it. Find somebody who can back you up.

As a starting exercise, try this: The next time you are in a hurry (read stressed) and get caught in a traffic-jam, let it go; Sit back, turn on some nice music, breath deeply and congratulate yourself on this little moment of peace. Letting go is not only an emotional or mental sensation, it is also physical; there is an actual feeling of warmth and unraveling in the pit of your stomach, a sensation of space around your being. We all know this feeling of release. Remember that time you did something scary? Like jumping off the 3 meter board into the water? That amazing sensation of release once you get past the fear and actually jump. This is how it feels, no matter what you are releasing, this instant moment of trust and freedom.

Every time we allow the fears from our past to stop us, we suffer pangs of regrets – always ending up thinking about how it would have been if we had “done it anyway”. Regrets are debilitating in energy, it never ever moves forward, but keeps us forever caught in the web of the past.

Remember: “The horse is dead, let it go!”

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Posted in Lifestyle, Personal development, Stress, Uncategorized, Wellness

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LETTING GO part 1

Posted on January 10, 2011 | Leave a comment

Unbeknownst to us we hold onto stuff that is hindering us in our lives or development. Oftentimes we are not aware of it or refuse to acknowledge it. Sometimes we are in denial, because it’s easier or makes us feel better. Whatever the reason, the stuff we hold onto is ballast in our lives and it is slowing us down. We might be holding onto some, or all, of the following categories:

  • People
  • Places
  • Things
  • Emotions & feelings
  • Ideas & beliefs
  • Disease
  • Stress

Usually whatever we are holding onto creates a negative feeling in us because we hold on from fear. It efficiently closes the door on expansion. We need to let go. Whatever we are holding on to, it’s always lodged in the past;

  • “I know what I have but I don’t know what I’ll get”

Consider yourself as an energetic being for a moment; you have 100% of energy to use every day and this will be distributed within your being. Everything costs energy and this will be taken from your 100%, including old stuff that should be long gone. So if you use up, say 40%, of your overall energy just for the ballast, you have reduced your daily “income” with 60%. This is like having a massive energy-leak in your home and constantly, unnecessarily, paying that bill.

We all grow up with certain mindsets from our families or society; they lodge in the sub-conscious mind and rule how we live our lives. Religion, trauma, misunderstandings all “keep us in our place”. Usually those who are the closest to us are the ones most opposed to any change you choose to do, because if you change this will automatically create change in them and they are not ready for that. Every single person I have ever worked with on this issue say the same thing; “My …(parents, spouse, sister, friend) talked me out of it / don’t understand / don’t support…

We are not supposed to hang onto things, not even trauma. At one point we have to let it go. I wise man I know said; “It’s like walking up a mountain, dragging a dead horse. The horse is dead, let it go“. (I love this sentence)

Once I was asked by a friend to help her clear out her ridiculously full attic; I went over and we worked all day. At the end of the day we had 3 equal piles: To keep, Charity and Trash. At that point this friend started looking through the piles, changing her mind; “Oh, but I might need this one day, I can’t throw this away, oh,oh,oh, my memories, my life”. She put it all back in the attic. 2 years later she payed a fortune in moving fees AND storage, because her new home was too small to hold all the stuff!

I have met people who refuse to heal – consciously refused to heal, because they are afraid of what that change might bring. I have met people with childhood traumas who refuse to let them go and forever spend their time crying and wondering why life isn’t happening to them. I have met people who want to lose weight but won’t do the work…. One thing they all have in common is fear and self-pity; being a victim.

I have also met the above people who did the necessary changes; who passed the fear and self-pity and started to take charge of their lives, turning things around and feeling good about themselves, accepting whatever changes that came. There is no such thing as the proverbial silver spoon, there is only personal responsibility and the will to change.

Since this article is very long, I will post it in parts. Part 2 will come tomorrow.

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Posted in Lifestyle, Personal development, Stress, Wellness

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KARMA IS WHAT GOES AROUND

Posted on September 7, 2010 | Leave a comment

The idea of karma is known by all, although it’s not always called Karma. In the bible it says; ” you reap what you sow “. In daily talk; “What goes around comes around” or “Every good deed deserves another” (that actually goes for bad deeds as well :-) ). Sometimes I wonder if we really hear or think about what we say…

If we would always live our lives according to the idea of Karma a lot would change, especially for ourselves. In each moment, each situation, there is a choice and upon what we choose a decision is made. Decision creates action and action creates a re-action. When we change a decision we change the whole chain of events. Sometimes the re-action might be a long time coming, but it always comes, and at that moment we are usually very aware of that first creative decision. It is like getting the answer to a question once asked, you always remember the question when the answer comes.

I look very closely at what comes into my life;  the re-actions – because they define my actions and decisions. Sometimes life hands me a slap and I feel sad, maybe unfairly treated, but when I step past this initial negative feeling I can see why this happened to me and how I created it. Then I make sure not to do it again. It is like burning your hand on the fire; you don’t do that again! The same goes for all that wonderful and positive stuff that happens. We are not lucky or unlucky; we are experiencing Karma, our own creation; our Selves.

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Posted in Lifestyle, Personal development, Uncategorized

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SELF DEFINITION

Posted on August 27, 2010 | 1 Comment

I have listened to so many kids who say they don’t like who they are. They come from all walks of life; some have wonderful home-lives, others come from a hellish existence, still they all feel the same – it’s part of becoming who you are, part of growing up. As I said before, you can’t tell somebody what they have to do or be, they have to figure it out for themselves. How is this done? How do we know what we want to do or be in life? An adolescent lives more or less day to day, making life seem eternal and confusing. If they are in a “bad place”, how are they going to get out of it if they have no sense of future?

I listen to them; to their complaints, their tears, heart-ache, confusion and disappointment until I have a feeling of where their problems come from. Then I tune them into themselves:

  • Who are you?
  • What do you want?
  • Why do you want it?
  • How will you get it?

At this point they are usually angry or crying from confusion. Then I speak to them about Self-Definition, that we all make choices. Each individual is responsible for who they are. This will always form the base of what you receive in life, no matter where you come from. You can be nice and have nice things happen to you, or you can be nasty and have bad things happen. It is always about choices.

I hold up a mirror for the kid; showing him exactly who he is, right now, and he usually doesn’t like it. Then I ask him to think about who he wants to be. I make him aware of all the choices he has. I ask him to tell me what kind of person he wants to be and then we work with this picture, making it so real that the kid can feel it. This is the new mirror – the motivation to change – and the kid always likes this. We are emotional beings and emotion rules our choices much more than we believe.

Once this process is started it can’t be stopped, the kid will now think consciously about his actions. It doesn’t happen overnight, changes take time. Little by little the kid becomes comfortable with his new self-definition and works actively to become what he wants to be. This needs work and their are plenty of ways to do the work, it all depends on the individual. There is no need for recriminations, punishment or anger. Kids judge themselves harshly, in secret. If you add to that burden, they spiral into negativity. If you help them to define themselves and realize that they do have the power to choose and make changes, they usually will.

This, by the way, also goes for adults. Every now and then it is good to take stock of who you are and check if it fits with who you want to be.

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Posted in Babies & Children, Personal development

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Wellness is Balance – Balance is Lifestyle

Posted on August 12, 2009 | Leave a comment

balanceSince I started working with wellness and health, 20 years ago, a lot has changed in society. At that time alternative medicine was still scoffed at, if an illness couldn’t be cured with medicines, it was imagined. Stress was seen as a weakness and nutritional knowledge was the information recieved from ”The national board of health and welfare” – sometimes rather dubious.

Over the years a new awareness has grown in all walks of society. As more and more people started showing symtoms of imbalance to a degree where it affected their ability to cope with life, and these imbalances started to become a serious economical issue, things started to happen.

First out was the acceptance of stress; stress became the umbrella under which every vaque symptom and illness that couldn’t be diagnosed was put. This included, for a time, food-allergies and other sensitivities that were not yet known, fibromyalgia, psoriasis, emotional imbalances and much more. All it took to beat the stress was a few days of rest and organizing your agenda.

Problem was that though a lot of these symptoms and illnesses get worse from stress, they are not the stress. Some of these illnesses need another kind of ”medicine” and sometimes therapy is needed.

On the other hand, people who really suffered from stress were not taken seriously enough, even though the pattern was clear to see: Repeated sick-days, irritability, mood-swings, in-efficiency… Some of these people finally crashed, and when you crash from stress it is BIG TIME! This usually entails sick-leave between 1-3 years, re-programming the system, balancing emotional and physical imbalances… It’s a long way to come back from a burn-out.

A lot of these people became upset with not getting any help at all from the medical system and they started turning to alternative practitioners; massage-therapy, homeopathy, reflexology, aromatherapy etc. Very often they were, over time, helped by these methods, as their systems were balanced.

Stress or any other prolonged imbalance in a person can lead to serious conditions such as cancer, hear-disease, diabetes, osteoporosis… therefore it is of utmost importance to start looking for balance in life. And with balance I mean every walk of life; food, sleep, exercize, relaxation, play-time, work-time, organisation, and self-knowledge. Sometimes this entails a change of life-style that is very difficult, but the results will be overwhelming. From stress, exhaustion, weight-problems, skin-problems, aches & pains, repeated colds and depression to health, energy, strength, radiance and stamina. Once you start making the changes, the results come quickly.

It is good to look for help and support. You need to make a life-plan, set goals, educate yourself, find motivation and hardest of all; stay with it. That is why it is good to have somebody or somebodies to work with. Nutritionists, physio-therapists, massage, coaching; whatever it takes. It is truly hard to always stay motivated, so find support. Most therapists work also with personal coaching so don’t be afraid to ask. You need to remember that only you can make it happen, no matter how much back-up and support you get. If you are not prepared to do the work, it won’t happen and there are no excuses – it’s all about attitude.

frog-umbrella

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Posted in Lifestyle, Personal development, Stress

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STRESS part 1

Posted on June 4, 2009 | Leave a comment

tree_frostStress is good, stress is necessary and stress is excitement. Stress is what got us, as a species, this far. Without stress not much would ever happen and we would become extinct.

There is a wish to differentiate between stress and stress:
Inner stress/outer stress
Good stress/bad stress
I do not differentiate, stress is stress. Sometimes it leads us forward, even saving our lives. Other times it is deteriorating to health.
Examples of stress:
A new love-affair; we eat less, sleep less, heart goes overtime, as does the brain. We feel great, feeding – as it were – on our natural drugs – hormones.
Danger: blood rushes to muscles and brain, supercharging us for the mission of survival.

Stress as a problem arises when the demands on us are higher than we can answer to, or when we are locked in a situation over which we have no control at all.
Stress is individual, both in how we perceive it – how much stress we can handle – and how it manifests in our lives. The symptoms of stress are always individual, therefore it can be very difficult to pinpoint and manage the problem.

A lot of research is being done to find the “cure” for stress, which to my opinion is pure rubbish; a pill that would stop or inhibit our natural stress-responses would be a catastrophy to mankind.
The only way to handle stress is on an individual level: each person needs to take responsability for their own lives. There is no “cure”, and stress will not go away, or lessen. I believe we are just seeing the tip of the iceberg.
Since stress is an individual reaction to a given set of circumstances, individuals have to start making choices about what is important. The biggest stressor in society today is the vastness of choice. We never stop wanting more or other.

To be continued…

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Posted in Stress

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